Truth Be Told, in a Relationship Dating in Your 40s Can Be a Wonderful Thing. You Are Braver, Smarter, Wiser, and Wiser Than Ever Before. Using These Qualities as Your Secret Superpower Can Make Dating in Your 40s Not Only Fun but Even More Successful Than Dating in Your 30s and 20s.
But There Are Nuances to Be Aware of That Weren’t a Factor in Our 20s. Maybe You Weren’t Dedicated to Your Career, or Your Financial Responsibilities Were Minimal. Additionally, You May Not Experience Deep Connections to Learning.
So, if You’re Looking for Love, Fear Not: We Asked Four Experts—Kelly Campbell, PhD, Fran Walfisch, Cyndi, Ramani Durvasula, PhD, and Relationship Expert Carmelia—for Advice on Dating 40 and Older. For. Tapped. We’ve Narrowed Their Remarkable Advice Down to 13 Useful Tips to Keep in Mind During Every Stage of Dating – From the First Meeting to Falling in Love.
If You’re Interested, Keep Reading to Find Your Road Map to Dating at This Wonderful Age.
- 0.1 01 Relationship Dating Tips Choose Your Partner Wisely
- 0.2 02 Relationship Dating Tips Make Sure You’re Both Ready to Date
- 1 03 Relationship Dating Tips Wait Before Introducing Your Partner to Your Kids
- 2 04 Relationship Dating Tips Practice Patience When It Comes to Sex
- 3 05 Relationship Dating Tips Be Independent and Interdependent
- 4 06 Relationship Dating Tips Navigate Gender Stereotypes
- 5 07 Relationship Dating Tips Trust Your Instincts
- 6 09 Relationship Dating Tips Manage Your Social Media Expectations
- 7 10 Relationship Dating Tips Accept Scheduling Conflicts
01 Relationship Dating Tips Choose Your Partner Wisely
We’ve All Heard the Shocking Saying: All Marriages End in Divorce. But We Are Very Happy to Announce That This Figure is No Longer True. According to the Institute for Family Studies, Which Gets Its Data From the Census Bureau, Divorce is Rapidly Declining in America. Even Better, the Divorce Rate Hit a Record Low in 2019. In 2019, 14.9 Out of Every 1,000 Marriages Ended in Divorce.1
This May Be Due to the Good News That More Young Adults Are Delaying Marriage to Gain More Life Experience, Financial Stability, or a Stronger Sense of Self Before Saying “I Do”—all Things 40-somethings Do. It Was Time to Campbell, a Professor of Psychology at California State University, San Bernardino, Cautions That There May Be Other Players in the Dating Arena Who Are Trying to Match Marriage, and if So, Don’t Rush Into a Serious Relationship.
“Getting Married in Your 40s, Especially if It’s Your First Time, Means You Have Fewer Years Until Death, So It Can Really Be the One,” She Says. “as Such, You Would Want to Make the Best Possible Choice.”
02 Relationship Dating Tips Make Sure You’re Both Ready to Date
Unlike Dating in Your 20s, You’ve Had a Major Relationship, Whether It’s a Spouse or Long-term Partner, and the Person You’re Dating Probably Has Too. Be Sure That Both You and Your Date Have Processed These Relationships and Are Ready to Move on, Campbell Advises.
How Can You Tell if You or Your Date is Living in the Past? A Red Flag is Talking About Your Past Partner in Derogatory Terms. “if They Are Unable to Discuss It Objectively or Clearly See Each Person’s Role in What Went Wrong, It May Be a Warning Sign That They Are Not Over the Other Person, Yet.” Are Angry, or Risk Repeating That Damaged Pattern in the New Relationship,” Campbell Suggested.
“Nothing Turns a New Person Off More Than Hearing Someone Else Talk About You,” Says Wallfish, a Beverly Hills-based Family and Relationship Psychotherapist. Your New Partner May Suspect That There May Be a Problem in Your Relationship.
03 Relationship Dating Tips Wait Before Introducing Your Partner to Your Kids
If You’re a Parent, Whoever You’re Dating is Getting a Package Deal, and It’s Important to Prioritize Your Children’s Emotional Needs Over Your Desire to Find Romantic Love. “Children Need Time to Adjust to Their Parent’s Separation, and It May Take Them at Least Two Years to Get Over the Anger, Depression, and Other Emotions,” Walfish Notes. This Process. You Owe It to Your Kids to Take It Slow When Dating.”
If You’ve Been Dating Someone for at Least Four to Five Months and You Feel Confident That You’re Headed for a Serious Commitment, It Might Be Time to Talk to Your Kids. Tell Them What You Admire About Your New Partner, and Encourage Them to Share Negative and Positive Feelings About the Idea of Being With Someone New. Actively Listen and Validate Their Feelings Before Planning a Shared Outing So Everyone Can Get Along. They May Be Cold Towards Your New Partner at First; Just Let Them Come on Their Own Time and Keep Communicating.
If the Relationship is Still Strained, Have Fun When Your Kids Are With Their Other Parents or Family Members. “if You Introduce Your Children to Someone You’re Dating Casually, It Can Create Uncertainty and Ambiguity About Intimacy for Them if Things Don’t Work Out,” Warns Walfish.
04 Relationship Dating Tips Practice Patience When It Comes to Sex
In the Heat of the Moment, Sometimes It Can Take All Your Willpower to Say “No”. But It’s Worth It—especially for Mature Adults. “Getting to Know Someone Takes Time, and Talking is What Puts People Together,” Says Walfish. “Hurrying Sex Can Derail Conversational Communication and Make It Just a Short-term Place of Lust.”
To Set Yourself Up for the Best Sex Possible With a New Partner, Hold Off on the Hanky-panky Until You’re Sure of the Direction of Your Relationship Unless You’re Just Looking for Fun. Don’t Be in Set Your Boundaries in Advance by Telling Your Partner That You Find Them Attractive, but Simply Say, “I Don’t Sleep With Someone Until I’m Really Ready.” the Rewards of Making Meaningful and Passionate Love Will Pay Off in the Long Run.
05 Relationship Dating Tips Be Independent and Interdependent
One of the Great Advantages of Turning 40 is That You’ve Worked on Yourself and Are More Comfortable With Who You Are Now Than You Were a Decade or Two Ago. If Not, Take Some Time to Think About Your Dating Goals, Values, and Priorities. Know Your Relationship Expectations and Deal Breakers Without Being Too Harsh.
Doing This Allows You to Be Both an Independent and Interdependent Partner, Says Campbell, So “You Function Well on Your Own and Feel Comfortable Meeting Your Partner’s Vital Needs.”
Dating Today Can Present Confusing Expectations About Gender Roles. It is Likely That You and Your Partner Will Have Different Views and Philosophies, Especially When You Are Financially Independent and Used to Living Alone. Who Picks Up the Check, and How Often? Do You Want to Open the Door for You, or Do You Want to Open It Yourself? Not Being on the Same Page Can Lead to Awkwardness and Resentment.
“Open, Honest Communication Between Two Loving and Seriously Committed Partners is Essential to Making All Kinds of Roles Work in a Relationship,” Says Walfish. Talk With Your Partner About How They View Gender Roles and What Their Expectations Are. If You Have Different Views, Then You Can Decide if This is a Deal Breaker or if You Can Both Be Flexible and Compromise.
07 Relationship Dating Tips Trust Your Instincts
“Most Relationship Mistakes Happen Because One Person Doesn’t Trust Their Instincts Early Enough and Keeps Thinking It Will Change,” Says Clinical Psychologist Durvasula. By Your 40s, You’ve Experienced Many Human Encounters, So Trust Your Gut, She Advises.
Furthermore, by Trusting Yourself, You’ll Be Able to Look Beyond Type and Move Forward Based on Emotion and Interpersonal Values—the True Foundations of Successful Relationships. Diversification is for Those Who Are Doing Something That is Good for Them. Do You Want to Put Such Limits on Love?
08 Relationship Dating Tips Develop a Clear Agenda
Having a Good Time May Be Your Main Dating Plan When You’re Younger, but in Your 40s, People May Be Looking for Anything From Friendship to Marriage in General. Plus, You Have to Balance Dating Goals With Your Established Career, Financial Responsibilities, Family, Children, and Living Conditions.
“You’re No Longer a 25-year-old Living With a Roommate and Few Financial Ties,” Durvasula Acknowledged. “Because the Range of Reasons and Expectations Around Dating Can Be Overwhelming, Be Clear About Yourself. If Someone Isn’t on the Same Page as You, Knowing Your Expectations Can Help You Make Decisions That Will Help You Down the Road.” Will Help. Don’t Be Angry.”
Celebrity Matchmaker and Relationship Expert Ray Agrees. “Establish Your Deal Breakers and Don’t Compromise on Important Values Just to Impress Someone You Love,” She Says. “Don’t Ramble on for Too Long – Been There, Done That.”
09 Relationship Dating Tips Manage Your Social Media Expectations
Social Media is an Innate Part of Everyday Life for Most 20- and 30-year-olds. But for Someone From an Older Generation, Their Association With Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter Can Be a Mixed Bag. Your Date’s Social Habits Can Range From “a 45-year-old to a 48-year-old Who Has Never Been on Instagram,” Durvasula Notes.
Once Things Are Set Up, Ask Your Date Out Before Posting a Photo of the Two of You Together. Durvasula Advises Not to Make It Too Long or Post Too Soon, as It May Make the Other Person Uncomfortable.
10 Relationship Dating Tips Accept Scheduling Conflicts
Many People Over the Age of 40 Have Many Responsibilities That Require More Planning. Tuesday Night Dates That Stretch Into the Early Hours May Not Work on a Regular Basis as Fatigue Can Set in. “Not to Say That You Need to Get a Blue Plate Special and Call It a Night at 7 P.m., but You Also Aren’t Able to Skip Morning Classes After the First Date,” Says Durvasula.
Plus, Parents Have to Balance Childcare Responsibilities. “[it] Can Be Tough Because It Means Less Time for Dating and Less Alone Time,” Campbell Says.
Don’t Try to Read Between the Lines if Your Date Has to Be Rescheduled or Called Early. This is Often Due to Their Personal Responsibilities, So Be Understanding, and Chances Are You’ll Get the Same Understanding From Them.
11 Relationship Dating Tips Never Apologize for Being You
You May Have Your Fair Share of Trial and Error, but This Should Not Be Considered “Stuff”. Instead of Beating Yourself Up if a Past Stupidity Comes Up on a Date, Focus on the Growth and Learning That Comes From It. “Women, in particular, Tend to See Them as Shortcomings or Excuses to Excuse Themselves,” Explains Durvasula. “You’ve Lived a Full Life, No Apologies Needed. Accept Your Mistakes and Talk About Them as Life Lessons.”
Your Partner Will Appreciate It When You Listen to Their Mistakes Without Judgment or Unnecessary Advice. “People Want to Be Seen, Validated, and Accepted—flaws and All,” Says Wallfish.
12 Relationship Dating Tips Avoid Making Assumptions
It’s Easy to View Things Through the Lens of Your Past Experiences—much as You Did in Your 20s or 30s. “if You’ve Had Negative Dating Experiences, You May Believe That the Person You’re Dating Has the Same Qualities or Behaviors as Someone From Your Past,” Suggests Ray. “It Won’t Work to Assume That Everyone You Date is the Same.”
Before Your First Date, Do Your Best to Be Open and Non-judgmental (While Keeping Your Wits About Yourself, of course). By Doing This, You Will Give Your Partner a Chance to Surprise You, Which Will Make for a More Positive Experience From the Start.
13 Relationship Dating Tips Keep the First Date Light
Conversation on a First Date Should Be About Getting to Know Each Other, Finding Common Ground, and Determining Compatibility. But if You’re Tired of Being Single, and You Feel a Connection, You Might Be Tempted to Talk About Past Negative Dating Experiences. Ray Warns Not to Fall Into the “Tmi Trap”.
It’s Natural to Have Moments Where You Wonder if You’re Doing Something Wrong, and You Seek Reassurance From Your Date. But That’s Not What You’re There for, She Says. “if You Have Low Self-esteem or Are Unhappy With Yourself and Your Situation, That Won’t Be Attractive to Someone You’re Newly Dating,” Ray Stresses. Instead, Be the Person You Want to Attract. Smile, Be the Best Version of Yourself, and Enjoy Getting to Know Your Date. Take Them Out Focus on Them, and Have Fun as Things Develop Organically.