How to Stop the Cycle of Fighting in a Relationship

How to Stop the Cycle of Fighting in a Relationship-fighting Occasionally is Part of Every Relationship, but Constantly Fighting With Your Partner is Stressful and Unhealthy. A Pattern of Fighting Can Lead to Toxic and Harmful Behavior That Can Eventually End Your Relationship.

If It Seems Like You and Your Partner Are Always Fighting, It’s Not Too Late. You Can Learn How to Stop the Cycle of Fighting in a Relationship and How to Communicate With Your Partner in a Healthy Way. Read on to Find Out How.

Fight in Relationships
Couples Who Argue Constantly Often Get Stuck in Repetitive Cycles and Patterns. In Some Cases, They May Have Intense, Event-specific, Angry Fights One Day, Only to Make Up and Behave Lovingly a Few Days (or Hours) Later.

Other Couples May Find Themselves Arguing Over the Same Issues Over and Over Again, With No Real Resolution in Between.

Still, Some Others May Have a Habit of Blaming Their Partner When Something Goes Wrong. Couples Who Play the Blame Game Often Focus on “Winning” the Arguments. They Can Attack Their Partner and Shut Them Down by Targeting Their Weaknesses.

Although Conflict Can Lead to Arguments, Avoiding It Would Not Do Much Good. When a Disagreement Occurs, One Person May Become Silent and Withdraw Completely. This Can Cause the Other Person to Respond With Anger or Fear, Which Can Lead to Bigger Arguments.

In Some Cases, Couples May Find Themselves Fighting Over the Same Things at the Same Time, or Nearly Every Day. For Example, It Can Be Easy to Fall Into a Pattern of Arguing Every Evening When Both People Come Home From Work, Tired and Exhausted From Their Days, Perhaps Over What’s for Dinner, Who to Eat. What to Make, and/or Who Gets Cleaned Up. Because the Source of the Problem is Something That Needs to Be Dealt With Regularly, Fighting Can Become a Habit.

The Point is, Regardless of Why, When, or How a Couple Fights, Recognizing Patterns Can Be Valuable if You’re Hoping to Learn How to Avoid Arguments in a Relationship.

What Causes Constant Fighting in a Relationship?

When Couples Aren’t Able to Communicate in a Healthy Way, They Can Fight About Almost Anything. That Said, There Are Some Issues That Are More Likely to Incite Arguments, Including:

Lack of Love or Fear of Intimacy
Unfair Division of Household Chores
Financial Problems
Future Plans
Confusion About Family Planning
Different Parenting Styles
Domestic Animal
Politics
Jealous
Rude or Forgetful Behavior

Try to Identify a Few Topics That You Have Touched Upon and That You and Your Partner Have Had Reasoned Arguments About. When You’re Both Calm, Try to Broach These Topics in a Healthy Way. Over Time, Having an Open and Honest Discussion About Some of Your Pain Points Can Be an Effective Way to Learn How to Stop Arguing in a Relationship.

8 Ways to Avoid and Prevent Fighting in Your Relationship

If You and Your Partner Fight All the Time, Arguing Can Start to Seem Inevitable — but It’s Important to Remember That You Can Learn How to Avoid Arguing in a Relationship. Here Are Some Effective Strategies That Can Help You Stop Fights Before They Start.

1. Give Each Other Space
   While You Need to Make a Point to Talk About Issues, You Don’t Need to (and Probably Shouldn’t) Discuss Things When Emotions Are High. When You Are Angry With Each Other, It is More Likely That One or Both of You Will Start Fighting or Make Hurtful Comments. This May Seem Like a Small Thing to Do, but Once You’ve Both Calmed Down, Take Some Time to Take Deep Breaths and Approach the Subject. You Are More Likely to Avoid a Heated Argument and the Irrational, Hurtful Things You Want to Say to Your Partner at That Moment Are Reduced.
2. Don’t Worry About Being Perfect
   In Fact, There is No Winner When You Argue With Your Partner. Just Because You’re on the “Right Side” of an Issue Doesn’t Mean You’ve Won. Sometimes, It’s Necessary to Let Go of Your Desire to Be Right if You Want to Learn How to Stop Fighting in a Relationship. Try to Look at Things From the Perspective That You and Your Partner Are a Team – if You Can Agree on the Issue You’re Dealing With, You Both Win.

3. Try to Be a Better Listener
   Being an Active Listener Can Not Only Help Prevent Conflicts, but It Can Improve the Quality of Your Relationship While Enhancing Many Other Areas of Life. Make It a Point to Really Listen to Your Partner and Show Them That You Listen to Their Concerns. If Your Partner Tells You Something Important to Them, Ask Questions, Engage, and Value What They Have to Say So That You Can Learn More About Their Thoughts and Feelings. Lack of Communication Skills and Not Being an Active Listener in Your Relationship Can Lead to Relationship Insecurities for Both the Partners.
4. Be Open About Your Feelings
   Being Vulnerable Can Be Hard, Especially When the Two of You Are Constantly Fighting. However, Being Open About How You Feel Can Help You Learn How to Break the Cycle of Fighting in a Relationship.

When You Have the Occasional Disagreement (Which, Keep in Mind, is Totally Normal), Tell Them How It Makes You Feel. Instead of Blaming Your Partner, Use “I Feel” Statements to Express Yourself. If You Find That Your Partner is Constantly Dismissing Your Feelings, Don’t Become a Victim of Relationship Gaslighting. Don’t Let Your Partner Blame You or Outside Circumstances for Anything, or You May Find Yourself in a One-sided Relationship.

5. Pause Before You Speak
   It is common to Say Harsh and Hurtful Things in a Fit of Rage, Only to Later Regret Your Words. When You’re Discussing a Hot Topic, Count to 3 Before You Speak. Hitting the Pause Button Can Help You Avoid Hurtful Comments That Can Turn an Argument Into a Nasty Fight.
6. Build Healthy Communication Skills
   Poor Communication Can Lead to All Kinds of Relationship Problems, Especially When You’re at Odds With Your Significant Other. If You Can Learn to Communicate in a Healthy Way in a Relationship, However, Disagreements Can Make Your Relationship Stronger. When You Talk, Make Sure You Both Listen and Feel.
7. Try to Empathize
   At Times, Your Partner’s Behavior May Seem Strange or Inappropriate. A Good Trick When You’re Learning How to Stop Fighting in a Relationship is to Put Yourself in the Other Person’s Shoes and Try to Understand Your Partner’s Perspective. Instead of Getting Defensive, Try to Understand Why They Feel the Way They Do. You Can Ask Your Partner Questions So You Can Better Understand Where They Are Coming From and Hopefully Find Common Ground.
8. Try Couples Therapy
   There Are Many Strategies That Can Help You Work Through Romantic Relationship Issues, but if You Have a Lot of Bad Habits or Struggle to Have Productive Conversations, You May Need Professional Help.

When It Comes to Healing a Broken Relationship, Working With a Therapist Can Help You and Your Partner Identify Unhealthy Patterns So That You Can Work Together to Build a Stronger, Healthier Relationship. If You’ve Tried to Figure Out How to Stop Arguing in a Relationship, and Haven’t Had Much Success, in-person or Online Couples Counseling May Be a Good Next Step.

Work Towards a Peaceful Relationship

An Important Thing to Remember is That Arguments Are General. They May Be Healthy, but Constant Fighting is a Sign of a Serious Relationship Problem and is Harmful to Your and Your Partner’s Mental Health. If You Want to Learn How to Stop Fighting in a Relationship, Don’t Be Afraid to Seek Help. When You Seek Professional Counseling, You Can Learn to Stop Arguing and Enjoy the Time You Can Spend Together.

Ready to Walk the Path to a Strong Relationship Without Fighting? Not Sure Where to Start? Try Talkspace, an Online Therapy Platform That Understands the Importance of Healthy Relationships.

Talkspace Makes Therapy Easy and Convenient, in the Privacy of Your Own Home, From the Comfort of Your Own Space. When You Receive Therapy Through Talkspace, You Will Be Able to Learn How to Break the Cycle of Fighting in a Relationship.

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