How to Stop Overthinking About Someone You Love in a Relationship

Over the Course of Your Life, You’ll Probably Meet One or Two People Who Stir Up Some Pretty Intense Feelings.

Maybe You Love Someone Who Doesn’t Feel the Same Way as You – or Someone Who Loves You but Has Caused You Great Pain. A Deep Dislike Can Also Fuel Rumination, So You May Find Yourself Caught Up in Thoughts of Someone You Can’t Stand.

Anyway, You Won’t Think About Them at All, So Resolve to Let Go of Those Unwanted Memories and Move on. As You May Have Noticed, However, Trying to Suppress Certain Thoughts Often Brings Them Back in Full Force, Leaving You Frustrated and Discouraged.

It Doesn’t Mean That You Are Doomed to Think About That Person Forever. The Following 12 Strategies Can Help You Sharpen Your Focus.

 

Find Out Why

If You’ve Tried and Failed to Take Your Mind Off Someone, Ask Yourself Why. Thinking About This Question Out of Nowhere Can Help You Gain Some Insight Into Why You’re Still Stuck on Them and Maybe Come Up With Some Solutions.

Let’s Say You Had a Crush on a Classmate, but You Never Got Around to Asking Them Out. Now, You Spend a Lot of Time Imagining This Conversation Happening.

It’s All Too Common to Hold Onto Unusual Expectations, but What if You Could Still Connect, Perhaps Through Social Media or a Mutual Friend Who Helps You Stay in Touch? May Your Love Say No. Or Maybe They Say Yes, and the Date is a Complete Flop.

Either Way, a Clear Result Can Help You Turn the Page on Those Thoughts and Move on.

 

Focus on Facts

It is Not Uncommon for People to Overreact, Especially as Time Blurs More Realistic Memories.

People Have More Intuition About What is Right and Wrong or Good and Bad Than What is Right and Wrong for Them, but Memory Biases Can Increase the Likelihood of Remembering Wonderful or Terrible Things Over Normal, Everyday Symptoms or Events.

These Exaggerated Beliefs Can Easily Take Over Your Mental Space, Making It Even More Difficult to Let Go. You Can Combat Them by Gradually Bringing Your Memories Into the Realm of Hard Facts.

Say You Can’t Get Over an Ex. Instead of Thinking, “They Were So Perfect. I’ll Never Find Another Like Them,” Ask Yourself What Made Them So Wonderful. The Specific Things That Draw You to Someone Can Help You Realize That It Might Not Be So Hard to Find Other People With Similar Characteristics.
Find Some Evidence to Support or Refute the Idealized Assumption, Such as: “They Never Let Me Down,” “They Always Knew What to Say,” or “They’re Terrible. They Just Want to Hurt Me.” When You Take the Time to Explore Your Memories, You May Identify Some That Shift Your Perspective to a More Realistic Shade of Gray.
Look at the Situation Objectively. If You Can’t Shake the Suspicion That Your Coworker is Out to Get You, Challenge Yourself to Find Other Explanations for Their Behavior. Maybe They Are Going Through a Difficult Time. Perhaps They Treat Everyone With the Same Harshness. Withdrawing From an Emotional Perspective Can Help You Avoid Taking Someone’s Behavior Personally, Which Can Make It Easier to Become Resentful.

Accept Instead of Reject

When You Can’t Stop Thinking About Someone, Try to Focus on Them Instead of Drifting Away From Those Thoughts. It May Sound Completely Counterintuitive, but This Technique Can Actually Work.

Those Thoughts Will Keep Coming Again and Again Because You Have Not Yet Accepted the Reality of the Situation. Unrequited Love, Humiliation, Injustice, Plain Old Hatred – Any of These Can Cause a Lot of Trouble, Which You Deny to Protect Yourself.

However, You Can’t Keep the Pain Away Forever, and When You Finally Allow Yourself to Face It, You May Be Saddened by Its Intensity.

Shoving Thoughts Into a Mental Box and Hiding the Key Can Make Them Taboo, Off Limits. Accepting Them and the Circumstances Surrounding Them Can Help You Navigate Adversity More Productively. Opening the Box and Letting Your Thoughts Out in the Open Reduces Their Immediate Need for Approval.

Meditation is a Helpful Way to Explore and Practice Acceptance of Unwanted Thoughts. A Regular Meditation Practice Can Teach You to Sit With Thoughts and Let Them Go as You Observe Them With Compassion and Curiosity.

 

By Writing

Not Everyone Finds Meditation Helpful, So Don’t Worry if It Doesn’t Work for You. Other Methods May Help You to Explore and Acknowledge Someone’s Thoughts So That You Can Finally Get Them Out of Your Mind.

Journaling is One Such Approach. Many People Associate Journaling With Their Teens, but a Journal Can Have Benefits at Any Stage of Life.

Journals Provide a Personal Space to Vent Frustrations and Come to Terms With Difficult Feelings. It May Be a Little Easier to Identify the Possible Reasons Behind Persistent Thoughts in Writing.

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Many People Find Journaling Cathartic. The Relief That Comes From Writing Down Difficult Thoughts Can Almost Feel Like You’ve Put Those Thoughts in a Place Where They No Longer Weigh You Down So Much.

Find a Positive Deviation

Distraction Can Help You Manage Any Type of Emotional Distress, as Long as You Use It Correctly.

When You’re Trying to Find Temporary Relief From Unpleasant or Upsetting Thoughts, Distraction Can Be a Good Tool.

Distraction Can Also Work When You Can’t Do Anything to Change the Circumstances That Are Bothering You. However, It Should Not Replace Acceptance and Self-exploration. To Properly Address Recurring Thoughts, You’ll Usually Need to Address Them at Their Root.

In Short, as Long as You Don’t Use Distraction to Deny the Feelings and Experiences, It Can Serve as a Good Short-term Coping Strategy.

It May Help to Try to Focus or Redirect Your Thoughts to Something Specific, Instead of Letting Your Mind Wander Where It Should.

Some Helpful Distractions to Try:

Pick Up a Book
Put on Some Music
Watch Favorite Movie.
Talk to Friend
Go Outside for a Walk or Jog.

Work on Self-discovery

Whether You Want to Take Your Mind Off Your Past Love Interest or the Betrayal of a Toxic Friend, It Can Help to Re-focus on the Person Who Matters Most: Yourself.

Some Dedicated Self-examination Can Distract You From Thoughts of Someone You Want to Stop Thinking About. This Can Help You Reconnect With Your Hobbies, Personal Interests, and Other Things That You Find Meaningful. You Know, Things Often Fall Off the Edge When You’re Immersed in Someone Else’s Thoughts.

Self-discovery Can Be Even More Beneficial When You’re Trying to Move Past Thoughts of an Ex or Crush Who Didn’t Feel the Same Way. The More You Connect With Yourself, the More You Can Notice Vital Ways That Don’t Meet Your Needs or Align With Your Future.

 

Prioritize Meeting Your Needs

Believing That You Need Someone Makes It Very Difficult to Let Go. Taking Healthy Steps Toward Your Goals Alone Can Become a Real Struggle if You Convince Yourself That You Can’t Continue Without Them.

Try Asking Yourself:

What Need Did He Fulfill?
Can I Complete It Myself?
If Not, How Can I Meet That Requirement?

Your Answers Can Help You Identify a Clear Path. Remember, No One Person Can Meet All of Your Needs, Although Friends and Allies Provide Important Emotional Support.

Keep a Healthy Distance

Creating Some Space Between You and the Other Person Can Help You Redirect Thoughts More Successfully. Out of Sight, Out of Mind, as the Saying Goes.

While You Can’t Avoid Them Completely, These Strategies Can Help:

Temporarily Unfollow or Hide Social Media Profiles, and Avoid Visiting Their Pages.
If You Belong to the Same Friend Group, Limit Your Hangouts for the Foreseeable Future. The Covid-19 Distancing Guidelines Provide an Excellent, Honest Excuse as It is Safe to Limit Interaction for the Time Being.
Avoid Texting, Calling, and Otherwise Maintaining Regular Contact.
Live in the Here and Now

Mindfulness, or Your Awareness of the Present, Can Improve Well-being in a Number of Ways. Being Present in Your Daily Life Can Strengthen Your Relationships With Others. It Can Also Increase Self-awareness and Have Positive Effects on Mental Health.

When You Are Aware, You Are in Rhythm With Each Passing Moment, So It Becomes Easier to Stop the Whirlwind of Thoughts and Return Your Attention to What You Really Want to Focus on. Because Your Mental Energy is Occupied With What is Happening in Each Moment, There is Less Chance of Drifting Into What Could Have Been.

Living Wisely is Often as Simple as:

Using Your Five Senses
Ground Yourself When You’re Distracted
Focus on Your Breath

Find More Meditation Tips Here.

Give It Time

Waiting is Often the Easiest and Hardest Thing to Do.

Sure, You Don’t Need to Do Anything but Live Each Day of Your Life. Yet, Time Seems to Pass Too Slowly When You Want Something Special to Happen.

You May Scoff at the Idea That Your Pain and the Intensity of Your Thoughts Will Someday Subside, but Time Usually Works. Eventually There Will Come a Day When You Really Have to Make an Effort to Miss That Person You Just Can’t Stop Thinking About Anymore.

Try to Forgive

It is Very Easy to Get Upset When Someone Wrongs You. You Might Go Back and Over the Injustice, Heal the Pain of the Betrayal, and Think of All the Things You Can Do to Balance the Scales. Yet Taking This Path Again Usually Only Leads to More Suffering, Whereas Forgiveness Offers a More Reliable Path to Healing.

Here’s the One Thing Not Everyone Understands About Forgiveness: It’s for You, More Than Anyone Else. Forgiveness Helps You to Let Go of the Mistakes That You Have Kept Close to Your Chest So That You Can Move Forward With a Lighter Heart.

Forgiving Becomes Easier When You Remember That Everyone Makes Mistakes, and Many of These Mistakes Are Not Malicious Ones.

Talk to a Doctor

If the Above Strategies Haven’t Helped You Stop Thinking About the Person, Professional Help is a Good Next Step.

A Therapist Can’t Give You a Spotless Mind of Perpetual Sunshine, but They Can Provide Compassionate Guidance as You Figure Out the Reasons Why You Can’t Move Forward.

In Therapy, You Can Learn Productive Ways to Challenge Unwanted Thoughts and Break Their Hold, as Well as Mindfulness Exercises and Other Helpful Coping Skills.

Struggling to Forgive Someone? A Therapist Can Also Help With This.

Ground Level

The Mind Can Be a Tricky Place. It Doesn’t Always React the Way You Want It to, and Sometimes It Seems Like It Has a Mind of Its Own. It Can Feel Especially Frustrating When You Want to Forget Someone’s Thoughts as Fast as You Push Them Down.

Other People Can Have a Profound Effect on You, for Good or for Bad. When They Let You Down, It’s Easy to Dwell on What Could Have Been, but Accepting What is Can Help You Let Go of Those Surprises and Regain Your Peace of Mind.