Have You Ever Gotten Butterflies at the Beginning of a New Romantic Relationship Because You Like the Person So Much That You Don’t Want to Mess It Up? You Are Not Alone Dating and Relationship Expert Andrea Sirtash Says, “A New Relationship is Full of Potential, Possibility, and Discovery—not Only of Our Partner but of Ourselves and Our Needs, Wants, and Desires.” Celebrity Matchmaker Carmelia Ray Agrees That This “Honeymoon Phase” is an Important Period in Your Life. “It is a Special Time to Create Unforgettable Memories Together and a Time Where Many Couples Feel as Though They Are Falling in Love,” She Explains. But the Anxiety of a New Relationship and the Nervousness You Feel Can Definitely Take Away Some of the Reckless Excitement and Create Unnecessary Pressure.
To Make Sure You Don’t Accidentally Sabotage Your Relationship, We Asked Both Experts to Divulge the Biggest Pieces of New Relationship Advice They Give Their Clients So They Can Really Help Each Other. Enjoy This Period of Learning (and Spend Less Time Stressing). As Sirtash Says, “Long-term Relationships Are Work, but Dating Shouldn’t Feel Like It.”
With That in Mind, Here Are Nine Things to Keep in Mind When You’re Starting Out With a New Significant Other.
Keep the Past in the Past
“a Big Mistake People Make When Dating Someone New is to Bring All of Their Fears, Anxieties, and Past Negative Relationship Experiences Into Their Current Relationship,” Says Ray. She Tells Webmd That in More Than 26 Years of Talking to Singles, She’s Heard That They Don’t Want to Hear About Their Date’s Past Relationships on First or Second Dates. Avoid Oversharing, and Keep Your Thoughts and Conversations Focused on the Person You’re Currently Dating and Getting to Know Them.
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Avoid Questioning Your Date About Your Past Experiences. Aim for Engaging, Conversational Dialogue That Flows Naturally Rather Than a Scripted Line of Targeted Questioning.
Do Not Compare
Ray Says It’s Easy to Immediately Start Comparing Your Relationship or Your Significant Other to Other Relationships or Partners, but It Won’t Do You Any Good and It Will End Up Hurting Your Current Partner. Instead, Ask Yourself These Questions: Are You in a Relationship to Compete With Someone Else? Are You in This Relationship to Impress Other People? Or Are You in the Relationship Because You Like the Person You’re Dating?
See Actions More Than Words
“It Doesn’t Matter if Someone is Talking About Doing Trips Next Year if It’s Unavailable Now,” Sirtash Says. In This Case, You Want to Make Sure That You Are Reading the Actions Rather Than Believing Every Word That the Person Says. On the Flip Side, She Says That When Your Partner Introduces You to Family and Friends, Chances Are This Person Sees You in Their Life for the Long Haul.
Be Vulnerable Even if You’re Scared
“the Idea of Being Vulnerable is a Scary Proposition for Most People,” Admits Ray. She Says This is How You Show Your True Self at the Risk of Getting Hurt. When You Date Someone New, Showing This Side Can Deepen Your Connection and Build Trust. “Vulnerability Can Be a Gift for Someone Who Wants to Know You on a Deeper Level,” She Explains.
Show Your Vulnerability Without Feeling Completely Overwhelmed by Sharing a Personal Story. This May Sound Overly Simplistic, but It is a Great First Step in Building an Emotional Connection.
Don’t Embellish the Truth or Brag
“Bragging is a Huge Turnoff for Both Men and Women,” Says Ray. “It’s Not Necessary to Constantly Feel the Need to Impress Your Partner, Especially if They Already Like You.” You Can Be Proud Without Listing All of Your Life’s Accomplishments.
Live in the Moment
Remind Yourself That Being in a New Relationship is a Time of Discovery and Curiosity (and There’s Going to Be a Lot of New Things Going on at Once). “to Take the Pressure Off, Remind Yourself to Be Present and Open,” Says Sirtash. And That Goes for Being True to Yourself and Trusting Your Gut Instincts. It Doesn’t Matter if Someone is Perfect on Paper if They Are Not the Right Person for You in the End.
Avoid Being Needy
“a Little Jealousy Can Be Considered Cute and Healthy,” Says Ray. “but Making Demands on Your Partner of Their Time and Preventing Them From Doing the Things They Were Doing Before They Started Dating is a Red Flag.” Dating New People to Spend Their Free Time With and Give Up Some of Their Normal Time With Friends and Family. However, Avoid Constantly Texting, Calling or Demanding to See Your So as You Will Stress Them Out and May Cause Them to Withdraw.
Miss Time With Family or Friends
Ray Says It’s Common for Couples in a New Relationship to Give Up Some of Their Normal Activities and Cancel Friends to See Their Partner. “Remember That Attraction is Also Built Up by the Anticipation of Seeing Your Partner and by Creating Some Distance,” Says Ray. “When You’re Always Dropping Everything to Be With Your New Partner, It Can Feel Like Your Previous Commitments Are Secondary to Dating You.” Keep Yourself Busy and Discuss Your Plans With Friends. Be Respectful as You Adjust Your Schedule in Moderation.
Listen and Be Curious
“Listening is a Skill and a Communication Tool That Most People Don’t Do Very Well,” Says Ray. When You Give Your Partner Your Undivided Attention, It Allows Them to Feel Both Heard and Appreciated. When You Show Curiosity About Who They Are and What They’re Up to, It Not Only Indicates Your Interest in Their Lives but Also Makes Them Feel Unique and Special.
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