8 Warning Signs You’re Compromising Too Much in Your Relationships (and What to Do)

8 Warning Signs You’re Compromising Too Much in Your Relationships (and What to Do) Contrary to What Disney Movies Would Have Us Believe, Relationships Take Hard Work.

Part of This Work is Compromise. You Are Two Different People Who Have Come Together, and Naturally, You Will Have Different Opinions, Goals, and Feelings About Certain Things.

Compromise is a Good Thing — It Shows That You Care About the Other Person and Are Willing to Put Their Needs on Par With or Even Above Yours.

But How Much is Too Much? If You Start Compromising Too Much in Your Relationships, Then the Relationship Becomes Very Unhealthy and You End Up Unhappy.

I’ve Unfortunately Been Through More Than One Relationship Like This. It Was Not a Good Experience, So I Would Love to Help You Avoid It. Here Are 8 Warning Signs to Watch Out for.

1) You Have to Change Your Values

The First Big Warning Sign That You Are Compromising Too Much in Your Relationship is if You Have to Change Your Values.

Your Partner May Ask You Outright or Ask You to Do Things That Go Against Your Values.

For Example, You Value Healthy Eating and Saving Money, and They Often Want to Go Out to Eat Junk Food.

But Sometimes It Can Be More Subtle, Through Manipulation, Sarcastic Remarks, or Giving You No Other Option.

2) You Don’t Realize You Receive Compassion

When It Comes to the Values I Mentioned Above, It is Important to Differentiate Between What is Healthy and What is Not.

Partners Can Help Each Other Learn and Grow by Sharing Your Different Opinions, or by Helping You See a New Perspective.

For Example, if You See That Your Partner Doesn’t Care About Being Sustainable, You Can Help Them See How Their Actions Are Affecting the Environment and How to Improve.

The Key Here is That the Conversation is Done With Good Intentions. Both People Listen to Each Other, Listen With the Goal of Understanding Each Other, and Have a Respectful Conversation.

If You Feel Like Your Opinions and Feelings Are Swept Right Off the Table Without Any Thought, That’s a Huge Warning Sign and Not a Healthy Compromise.

3) It’s Always You, Never Them

Relationships Have to Work Both Ways—and That Involves Compromise.

So if You Feel Like It’s Always You Making the Compromises, and Never Your Partner, Then Things Are Really Getting Unbalanced.

This is a Sign I Struggled With a Lot. And in Retrospect, I Learned a Lot of Valuable Life Lessons From It.

First, My Partner Must Be Willing to Put My Own Needs on the Same Level and Participate in Compromise as Much as I Did.

But at the Same Time, I Need to Be Willing to Find a Way to Clearly and Respectfully Share My Needs, and My Feelings About Always Having a Backing Down.

As I’ve Never Been Particularly Assertive, I Struggle a Lot With Saying “No” in General—so I’m Sure My Emotions Had a Part to Play.

If You Feel Like You’re Always the One Compromising, Before You Flip on Your Partner, Have a Calm Conversation With Them About Your Feelings and Ask Them if They Can Meet You Halfway.

In the best Case Scenario, They’ll Be More Than Happy to Help You Feel More Comfortable in the Relationship, and Things Can Get Back on Track.

4) You’re Not Comfortable With The Decisions You’ve Made

As I Mentioned Above, I’m Not a Particularly Assertive Person, but I Do Date Assertive Men.

The result is That They Often Say What They Want Loud and Clear While I Agree to Whatever Other People Want So as Not to Cause Trouble.

But I Noticed Over Time That Even After I Made the Decision, I Would Continue to Think About It and Feel Uncomfortable With the Way Things Were.

Sometimes It Was Something as Small as Sleeping Arrangements During a Group Trip, or What to Have for Dinner.

But It Could Be Something Bigger, Like Relocating to Another City or Changing Jobs.

I’m Not Saying We Shouldn’t Be Flexible Enough to Accommodate Other People or Make Decisions Together.

However, Make Sure That You Can Also Fully Stand Behind the Decision, and That It’s Okay for You Too.

5) You have unmet needs

Do You Feel Like You Are Not Needed in Your Relationship?

This is Another Sign That You Are Making Extreme Compromises in Your Relationship.

As I Mentioned Above, We Cannot Forget That Both People Have Responsibility Here. Your Partner Should Respect Your Needs, but You Should Also Share Your Needs With Your Partner.

If You’re Doing This and They Dismiss or Ignore Them, or Cross Your Boundaries on a Regular Basis, Then the Relationship is Definitely Not Healthy Anymore.

6) You Stop Doing the Things You Love

Think Back to the Days Before Your Relationship, or the Beginning of It.

Did You Used to Devote Time to Hobbies and Things You Loved, but You Don’t Do Anymore?

This Could Be Another Warning Sign That You Are Compromising Too Much in Your Relationship.

Then Again, Maybe Your Partner Explicitly Told You to Stop—but Maybe It Was More Subtle.

For Example, I Love Dancing, and I Was Learning to Salsa Dance Well Before I Met My Ex.

He Didn’t Feel Very Comfortable Dancing Without Me, but He Also Wasn’t Ready to Learn and Join Me. He Never Said Anything, but He Had Little Comment.

So I Stopped Dancing While I Was With Her, So That She Would Not Feel Uncomfortable. Instead, I Started Feeling Sad.

With What I Know Today, I Will Sit Down to Have an Open Conversation With Her to Understand Her Feelings and Help Her Accept My Passion and Who I Am.

7) You Annoy Your Partner

When You Think About Your Partner, Ideally You Should Have the Vast Majority of Positive Feelings Associated.

If Instead, You Feel Anger and Resentment, It is Probably Because You Are Compromising Too Much in Your Relationship.

I Know Someone Once Told Me That Resentment is a Feeling That is Disguised as Anger Towards Someone Else. But in reality, It is Anger Towards Oneself for Not Maintaining Its Boundaries.

I Mentioned Earlier, and It Bears Repeating: Your Partner Has a Responsibility to Respect Your Boundaries, but You Also Have a Responsibility to Let Your Partner Know What They Are.

I Find Myself Struggling With a Lot of Resentment, and I Finally Realized Whether or Not I Had the Power to Allow This Emotion to Grow in Me.

One Thing is for Sure, That Resentment Has to Be Dealt With. Otherwise, It Will Slowly Kill the Relationship.

8) You don’t feel like yourself anymore

This is Finally the Sign That Made Me Decide to End My Relationship With My Ex.

I Started Second Guessing Myself All the Time. I Was Constantly Worried About What He Would Think and Tried to Make My Decisions and Act Accordingly.

It Was Driven by a Deep Insecurity Which I Strongly Feel He Was Taking Advantage of.

But That’s Just One of Many Reasons Why You May Not Feel Like Yourself Anymore.

It Can Also Come From Good Intentions on Your Part – Wanting Your Partner to Be Happy.

There is a Healthy Limit, However, and It is Being Able to Wake Up With a Full Sense of Identity and Personal Worth.

If You Start to Feel Like You Don’t Know Who You Are Without Your Partner, and You Have No Sense of Direction on Your Own, Then You’re Giving Too Much of Yourself.

Final Thoughts

These 8 Warning Signs Are Important to Watch for—they’ll Help You Realize if You’re Compromising Too Much in Your Relationships.

If You Recognize Yourself in Some of Them, Know That You Are Not Alone. I’ve Been There Myself, and I Can Clearly Remember How Frustrated and Stuck I Felt.

The First Thing You Want to Do is Take an Honest Look at What You’re Willing to Compromise on, and What You’re Not. You May Be the Most Giving Person in the World, but Everyone Deserves to Have Their Needs Met.

And Then, It’s Time to Go About Setting Some Boundaries.

Whether You and Your Partner Get Things Back on Track or Decide to Go Separate Ways, You’ll Definitely End Up in a Much Happier Place.

Can a Relationship Coach Help You Too?

If You Want Specific Advice on Your Situation, Talking to a Relationship Coach Can Be Very Helpful.

I Know This From Personal Experience…

A Few Months Ago, I Reached Out to Relationship Hero When I Was Going Through a Rough Patch in My Relationship. After Being Lost in My Thoughts for So Long, He Gave Me a Unique Insight Into the Dynamics of Our Relationship and How to Get It Back on Track.

If You Haven’t Heard of Relationship Hero Before, It’s a Site Where Highly Trained Relationship Coaches Help People Through Complicated and Difficult Love Situations.

In Just Minutes You Can Connect With a Certified Relationship Coach and Get Advice Tailor-made for Your Situation.

I Was Blown Away by How Kind, Empathetic, and Genuinely Helpful My Coach Was.