21 Questions for a New Relationship: Best Ways to Know Someone Better in 2023
Navigating a new relationship is exciting but difficult work. How can you simultaneously win someone over and get to know them on a deeper level? Skip the grand gestures and lavish gifts and make sure your budding partner is right with these 21 questions for a new relationship.
Cheaper than a big night out and more romantic than any home setup. These questions for getting to know someone can lead to the best dates ever and help you know if you’ve got the one. They are filled with genuine intent and a strong desire to know the other person. What could be more attractive than this?
Keep reading for our full list of 21 questions to ask for a new relationship. Use them to get to know someone on a deeper, more meaningful level. Trust us, they’re more effective than any pickup line you might own.
- 1 1. WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?
- 2 2. WHAT WOULD YOU GRAB IF YOUR HOUSE WAS ON FIRE?
- 3 3. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE PLAYLIST TO LISTEN TO?
- 4 4. WHAT ARE YOUR COPING MECHANISMS WHEN YOU’RE SAD?
- 5 5. HOW DO YOU SPEND YOUR ALONE TIME?
- 6 6. WHAT’S YOUR DREAM JOB?
- 7 7. WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN 5 YEARS?
- 8 8. DO YOU STILL TALK TO YOUR EXES?
- 9 9. DO YOU WANT TO START A FAMILY ONE DAY?
- 10 10. HOW WOULD YOU SPEND YOUR LAST DAY ON EARTH?
- 11 11. WHAT ARE YOU MOST GRATEFUL FOR IN LIFE?
- 12 12. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE HOLIDAY TRADITION?
- 13 13. WHAT OR WHO IS YOUR BIGGEST INSPIRATION IN LIFE?
- 14 14. IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY, HOW WOULD YOU SPEND IT?
- 15 15. ARE YOU READY FOR A SERIOUS COMMITMENT?
- 16 16. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN UNFAITHFUL?
- 17 17. HOW DO YOU HANDLE CONFLICT?
- 18 18. WHAT’S YOUR IDEAL DATE NIGHT?
- 19 19. WHICH FAMILY MEMBER ARE YOU CLOSEST TO?
- 20 20. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE TESTED FOR STDS?
- 21 21. WHAT ARE YOUR EXPECTATIONS FOR A PARTNER?
1. WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?
Asking someone what they fear most will immediately reveal their core values and what they love most in the world. You’ll know they keep their relationship close if they share an answer like ‘missing my family’.
On the other hand, if they say something like, ‘I’m not afraid of a thing,’ you’ll know you’re sitting across the table by a (big) shot. Everyone is scared of something or the other, and this question will help you identify your partner’s soft spots.
2. WHAT WOULD YOU GRAB IF YOUR HOUSE WAS ON FIRE?
This is another one that really shows you a person’s values. It’s easy to say you’d grab jewelry and other precious items, but is that what’s most important in life? Look for meaningful answers like family pictures, paperwork, and sentimental items to know that a person is more than just their material items.
3. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE PLAYLIST TO LISTEN TO?
Having a similar taste in music is a great foundation for a relationship. I mean, not totally, but it certainly helps to enjoy the same tunes. But even if they pull an answer out of left field, sharing music is a love language for some. What does their favorite music say about them?
4. WHAT ARE YOUR COPING MECHANISMS WHEN YOU’RE SAD?
It’s good to understand what helps your partner the most when they’re feeling blue. Coping mechanisms can be anything from having a nice long cry, listening to music, eating a favorite food, or curling up on the couch with a movie. It doesn’t matter what coping mechanisms they have, so long as they’re a healthy way of dealing with strong negative emotions.
5. HOW DO YOU SPEND YOUR ALONE TIME?
Even if your partner is super active in their alone time and you prefer to chill, you may quickly find it easy to strike a healthy balance. But it’s good to understand this ahead of time instead of being surprised by their lifestyle later.
6. WHAT’S YOUR DREAM JOB?
In my opinion, this question goes a long way in terms of telling you about a person. Are they a dreamer? Money chaser? Clout fiend? Do they hope to follow their passions one day or simply go where the paychecks follow? There’s no shame in making money, but you know what they say: love your job, and you’ll never work a day in your life.
7. WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN 5 YEARS?
Understanding your partner’s hopes and dreams for the future will allow you to understand if they align with your own. Do they want a family? Do they want to travel? Do they see themselves in the exact same spot or somewhere completely new? It’s smart to understand this from the get-go, so you’re not surprised when things start to go in a different direction down the line.
8. DO YOU STILL TALK TO YOUR EXES?
At the end of the day, how someone speaks about their ex is super telling, especially in a new relationship. It’s not necessarily a red flag to talk to your exes. In fact, this can actually be a good thing.
Maintaining a positive relationship with someone you’ve shared your life with isn’t bad, so long as the romantic feelings have dissipated. Though if there are still sparks flying and some residual emotions, talking to exes can be similar to playing with fire.
9. DO YOU WANT TO START A FAMILY ONE DAY?
While a relationship can be nearly perfect, if you’re not on the same page about marriage and kids, you can run into some major roadblocks down the line. It’s smart to ensure you have similar life desires from the beginning, so you know you’re both working towards mutual goals.
10. HOW WOULD YOU SPEND YOUR LAST DAY ON EARTH?
Hopefully, their answer isn’t ‘eating and having sex,’ but if that’s how you’d spend your last day on earth, maybe you really are a match made in heaven.
11. WHAT ARE YOU MOST GRATEFUL FOR IN LIFE?
There are few things in life more important than gratitude. Life with someone self-absorbed and stuck up can be a drag. So it’s wise to determine what they hold close. Whether it’s family, friends, a good job, or even a roof over their heads, having an attitude of gratitude will carry a relationship far, especially if they can appreciate the little things in life.
12. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE HOLIDAY TRADITION?
This is a fun one in terms of questions to get to know someone. While it’s not the most vital piece of information, it can definitely tell you a lot about a person. Do they spend Thanksgiving with their family or at the local diner? Christmas with a real tree or a fake one? Lover of Valentine’s Day or a total hater?
This will give you some insight into your future together. Do you share any of the same traditions, or is it time to make some new ones?
13. WHAT OR WHO IS YOUR BIGGEST INSPIRATION IN LIFE?
Inspiration may strike when you least expect it, or it may be blatantly obvious. It helps to understand where your partner gets their inspiration from, especially in a new relationship. If they’re constantly talking about influencers and get most of their inspiration from Instagram, it can say a lot about a person.
On the other hand, if someone is inspired by their family, great writers, or an inner drive to change the world, you can find a little more substance to their inner motivations. Connie, but true.
14. IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY, HOW WOULD YOU SPEND IT?
Knowing how someone would spend their (imaginary) lottery winnings can tell you a lot about a person. Now, I’m not saying they have to give it all away—we are talking in hypotheticals, after all—but if they’re only focused on spending huge amounts of money on material items, whereas you would spread the wealth, you may not be a solid a match in the common beliefs department.
15. ARE YOU READY FOR A SERIOUS COMMITMENT?
Let me just say, the last thing you want is to enter into a relationship with someone who isn’t ready for a commitment when you are.
If one person views the relationship as a setback and the other views them as a potential future life partner, this is a huge separation that can be detrimental to the relationship. Understanding where you are and where you’re going is paramount to success, so it’s important to communicate this early on. If they’re not ready for a serious commitment, that’s okay. The main idea is that they are open to working in this direction.
16. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN UNFAITHFUL?
While likely an unpopular opinion, being unfaithful isn’t necessarily a deal breaker, especially if your partner can own up to their past mistakes and are committed to moving forward. People can be unfaithful for a huge variety of reasons. But if they can be honest about it and are committed to learning from their previous indiscretions, this can indicate serious growth and maturity in terms of a relationship.
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17. HOW DO YOU HANDLE CONFLICT?
If one of you is a screamer and the other likes to sit down and hash things out calmly, identifying your conflict styles (before a major blowout) may go a long way in preventing clashes down the line. Asking this question can set the expectation early in the relationship that conflict can (and should) be handled maturely.
Whether you need to step away from the fight for a minute or talk things through in the moment, it helps to know before the fight takes hold.
18. WHAT’S YOUR IDEAL DATE NIGHT?
In a new relationship, everything can feel exciting and fresh. But as the relationship continues, understanding what your partner loves and appreciates most can go a long way in showing that you really care.
Without getting too carried away with the concept of love languages, knowing your partner’s ideal date night early on can help you arrange something that appeals to them on a deeper level. Instead of doing what you feel is right, you are catering to their specific needs and wants, which is the foundation of a strong, long-lasting relationship.
19. WHICH FAMILY MEMBER ARE YOU CLOSEST TO?
To some, family is everything, while others may not be as fortunate to have a close relationship. This is one of those questions to get to know someone that won’t make or break anything but simply give you a better understanding of where they come from and who they’re closest to in life.
20. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE TESTED FOR STDS?
This certainly isn’t the funniest of the 21 questions for a new relationship, but it is an important question.
While you probably shouldn’t be asking this on a first date or even a second time (keep those rubbers handy), it’s a perfectly reasonable question to ask as you start getting more serious with someone. Nothing says a fun date night like a trip to the clinic together.
21. WHAT ARE YOUR EXPECTATIONS FOR A PARTNER?
In a new relationship, this question helps to put everything on the table. When you first start dating someone, it can be difficult to get the right read on someone. Everyone is on their best behavior and possibly trying to impress the other.
But at the end of the day, it’s important to understand whether you’re on the same page. For example, if one person is very needy and another can’t make it, it’s better to know in a month or two than in three or four years. Having clear expectations can help you understand whether you can live up to these expectations (and vice versa).