11 Things to Do When Someone Treats You Badly in a Relationship-we Have All Been in a Situation Where Someone Has Treated Us Badly. Whether It’s a Family Member, a Friend, a Co-worker, a Boss or a Teacher, We’ve All Had That One Person Who Has Made Us Wonder if We Did Anything to Make Them Treat Us This Way. . But What Happens When Someone Treats You Badly in a Relationship, a Significant Romantic Relationship?
At Work, You Ask Your Coworker, “is It Just Me, or is the Boss Horrible to You, Too?” Chances Are That Your Boss Taunts Everyone in the Office and This Gives You Instant Relief. “Ah! So, It’s Not Me!”, You Say Wiping Your Forehead. However, in Your Romantic Relationship, It is More Difficult to Figure Out Why Your Partner is Treating You Badly and What You Should Do About It.
Due to Which Your Partner Treats You Badly
When Someone Treats You Badly and Does Something to Hurt You, It Makes You Wonder, “Why?” It is Natural to Try to Get to the Root Cause of What is Causing You Pain. Before You Learn How to Deal With Someone Who Treats You Badly, It May Help to Look at How You Try to Justify Their Behavior.
Australian Psychologist Fritz Hader Explored This in His Work, the Psychology of Interpersonal Relationships, and Called It Attribution Theory, or What a Person Believes to Be the Cause of a Particular Behavior. According to This Theory, It is Perfectly Natural to Try to Attribute Your Partner’s Behavior to External or Internal Causes.
Let’s Say Your Partner Often Abuses You. They Dismiss Your Feelings, Ignore Any Opinion You Give, and Sometimes Even Engage in Verbal Abuse, Snapping at You or Putting You Down in Front of Other People. You Can Attribute the Source of Their Bad Behavior to One of the Following Two:
Extrinsic: This Means That Their Behavior May Be Caused by Something Outside of Them. It Could Be Their Circumstances. For Example, They Were Being Pushed Around at Work When They Snapped at You. Or You Did Something to Make Them React Badly
Intrinsic: This Means That Their Behavior Originates From Within Them. For Example, They Suffer From Drug Addiction. They Are Ungrateful, Arrogant and Disrespectful, Because of Which They Misbehave
We Often Attribute Our Peers’ Bad Behavior to External Causes, Blame Their Circumstances, or Use Them as Excuses for Their Actions. We Also Blame Ourselves for Their External Causes. But if the Abuse Doesn’t Seem Like “Just a Phase,” You Should Start Looking for the Following Signs That He is Abusing You or That He Isn’t Treating You Right:
They Regularly Disrespect You or Mistreat You
They Refuse to Acknowledge Your Concerns and Feedback
They Never Apologize
They Ask for Forgiveness but Do Not Make Any Effort to Change
They Assure You That They Did Not Abuse You
If These Things Are the Norm in Your Relationship, You Should Stop Blaming Yourself or Your Partner’s External Circumstances and Face the Facts. Your Relationship With Them is Toxic and You Need to Figure Out How to Deal With Someone Who is Treating You Badly.
You Also Need to Identify Why You Are Letting Them Get Away With This Behavior. There is a Message in the Way a Person Treats You, and if Your Partner is Treating You Badly, You Need to Muster Up the Courage to Face Your Fears and Stand Up for Yourself.
11 Things That Happen When Someone Treats You Badly in a Relationship
You Have Done Nothing to Invite Continued Bad Behavior. As Adults, We Are All Responsible for Our Own Behavior and Your Partner is No Exception. But Now When You, Unfortunately, Find Yourself Saying, “he Treated Me Like I Was Nothing”, or Believing, “the Way Someone Treats You, It’s Because of You. How Does One Feel About”, or Googling, “What to Do When Someone in a Relationship Treats You Badly”, Let’s See How You Can Deal With the Situation, One Step at a Time:
1. Be Kind to Yourself
First and Foremost, You Shouldn’t Be Discouraged by the Realization That You’re Having a Hard Time Standing Up for Yourself, Confronting Bad Behavior, Apologizing and Demanding Change, and if Nothing Changes, Walk Out. Get Out Dealing With Relationship Bullies is Never Easy.
Remember, You Shouldn’t Demand Something as Basic as Your Significant Other to Behave Properly in the First Place. Second, It’s Perfectly Normal to Want to Be Treated Better by Your Partner. Everyone Deserves to Be in a Healthy Relationship Marked by Mutual Respect, Above All Else.
2. Do Not React Immediately When Someone Misbehaves With You in a Relationship
We Humans Are Programmed to React to Dangerous Situations. When We Find Ourselves in Danger, We Run Away or Fight. When Your Partner Misbehaves With You, Your Instincts Will Make You React. But Doing So Will Either Hurt You or Force You to Do or Say Something You Might Regret Later.
So, if Someone Treats You Badly, Just Remember That You Need to Step Back in Order to Be Able to Calmly Process What Happened. Calm Nerves Give Sensible Support in a Bad Situation. It Will Also Allow You to Clearly See Why the Incident Happened, Identify if There is a Pattern, and by Understanding the Dynamics of the Abuse Gauge if Things Have Really Gotten Out of Control.
3. Understand What Abuse is
When Someone Behaves Badly in a Relationship, You Probably Get the Feeling That Something Isn’t Right. But We Are Often Not Sure About It. To Be Able to Figure Out What’s Wrong, We Need to Feel Certain. Remember, Knowledge is Power.
Physical and Verbal Abuse Are Easy to Recognize but There Are Many Other Forms of Abuse That Can Be Far More Insidious. Here’s a Lowdown on Abuse in Various Forms, With Examples to Help You Understand Exactly What You Need to Look for:
Emotional Abuse: for Example, Gaslighting, Threatening to Leave, Threatening to Harm Yourself or Others
Neglect: for Example, Withholding Affection, Refusing to Share Burdens, Giving the Silent Treatment
Social Isolation: for Example, Preventing a Partner From Being Social
Financial Abuse: for Example, Withholding Financial Resources, Spending More Without Consent, Leaving Less Money
Sexual Abuse: for Example, Interfering With or Manipulating Birth Control, Trying to Have Sex Without Consent
4. Think About the Boundaries You Want to Set
The Most Important Thing You Need to Do When Someone in a Relationship Treats You Badly is to Set Clear Boundaries. To Be Able to Do This, Take a Step Back and Think, Why Do You Feel Mistreated? Think About Your Limits. Analyze What Makes You Feel Respected, Valued, and Most Importantly, Safe.
To Be Able to Know How to React When Someone in a Relationship Treats You Badly, You Need to Understand and Know Yourself. You Also Need to Become Familiar With the Vocabulary of Your Feelings. Prepare Your Statements Before Talking to Them. If You Don’t Know What You Feel and How You Want to Feel, How Do You Communicate That to the Other Person?
5. Firmly State Your Boundaries to Your Partner
Now That You Know What You Want and What Hurts You, It’s Time to Put These Thoughts Into Words. You Have to Tell Your Partner What They Have Done Wrong and What You Expect From Them. Assertiveness Means That You Must Speak Clearly, Respectfully, Calmly, and With Courage.
Ideally, Your Partner Should Offer You a Sincere Apology That Includes an Understanding of Their Actions and the Effect They Have Had on You, Remorse for Their Behavior, and Reassurance That They Will Not Repeat It.
6. Don’t Tolerate Bad Behavior
If You’ve Told Your Partner Why His Words/actions Hurt You and Why He Needs to Change His Behavior, Don’t Allow Him to Abuse You Again. If You Let Them, You Are Telling Them That You Don’t Respect Yourself. You’re Essentially Saying, “I’m Fine With That. Carry on.”
Remember, How Someone Treats You is How They Feel About You. The Cycle of Abuse Only Gets Stronger When You Tolerate Bad Behavior. Learn to Firmly Say, “No, I Won’t Put Up With It” When Someone Treats You Badly in a Relationship.
7. Introspection Can Tell You Why You Tolerate Bad Behavior
If You Haven’t Actively Refused to Tolerate and Confront Your Partner’s Bad Behavior, You Need to Analyze Why You Tolerate the Abuse or Mistreatment. You Need to Get to the Root of Your Fear. People Tolerate and Ignore the Bad Behavior of Their Peers, Mainly Because of the Following Reasons:
You Are an Empathetic Personality Type and Think Your Partner is Hurt and Needs Help
You Subconsciously Think You Deserve What You’re Getting
You Believe They Will Change
You Are Afraid to Imagine Life Without Them
You Are Not Independent (Emotionally, Financially, Physically, Etc.)
Most of These Beliefs Stem From Either Poor Self-esteem or a Savior Complex. You Need to Address Them So That You Can Tap Into Your Personal Source of Courage and Confront an Abusive Partner Who Treats You Badly.
8. Seek Professional Help
Outside Intervention and Guidance May Be Needed to Get to the Root of the Issues Preventing You From Asserting Your Emotional Rights. Working With a Therapist Can Help You Look Back on Childhood Traumas That May Be Triggering Issues Such as Abandonment Fears, Insecure Attachment Styles, or Co-dependency Issues.
Seek Help From a Mental Health Professional Who Can Hold You and Guide You to Lead a Dignified Life With a Loving Partner. They Can Also Help You Learn How to Respond When Someone in a Relationship Mistreats or Mistreats You. If You Need Help, Bonobology’s Panel of Skilled and Licensed Counselors Are on Hand to Assist You.
9. Give Yourself Love
When Someone Treats You Badly in a Relationship, Be the Source of Your Love, Give Yourself What You Need and See the Difference. To Feel More Confident, You Must Improve Your Relationship With Yourself. Engage in Self-love. But Don’t Limit Self-care and Self-love Tips to Skin-intensive Treatments.
Sure, Going to the Spa or Getting a New Haircut, or Splurging on New Shoes Can Lift Your Spirits. It Can Also Allow You to Prioritize Your Desires. But Self-love Goes Much Deeper Than That and You May Have to Work Hard for It. Here Are Some Ways You Can Actually Practice Self-love:
Adjusting Your Diet
Take Up a Hobby or Sport
Reconnect With an Old Friend
Finding a Doctor
Forgive Yourself More Easily
Tracking Negative Self-talk
Keeping Promises to Myself
Push Your Limits
10. Never Settle for the Minimum in a Relationship
Note the Difference Between the Sentences, “You Get What You Deserve” and “You Get What You Deserve.” No One Else but You Decide What You Want in Your Relationship. When Someone in a Relationship Treats You Badly, You May Need to Step Back and Analyze the Standards That You Have Adjusted to.
You Should Raise Your Expectations and Not Settle for the Bare Minimum in Your Relationship. Do You Think It’s Okay to Lie Sometimes? Do You Think It is Okay to Hit Your Partner Sometimes if You Love Your Partner Most of the Time? Do You Think It’s Okay to Feel Anxious and Restless in Love? Do You Think Drama Equals “Passion” in a Relationship? Think About Your Answers.
11. Don’t Be Afraid to Step Outside
When Someone Treats You Badly and Hurts You, Maybe You Should Just Walk Out. If You Feel the Need to Do So, Know That This Act of Self-preservation is Neither Unfair Nor Selfish. It’s Okay to Be Afraid of the Unknown Future, No Matter How Toxic the Known Present is. Your Fear is Completely Understandable. Be Kind to Yourself and Take It One Step at a Time.
Take Help From Your Loved Ones. Settle Your Affairs and Leave! Be Very Careful With Your Exit Strategy, Especially When Dealing With a Physically Violent Partner.