10 Tips for Solving Relationship Conflicts

10 Tips for Resolving Relationship Conflicts
These Research-backed Tips Can Make Your Conflict Discussions More Constructive.

The Secret to Removing Disagreements in Relationships
In Today’s
Culture of Dating Reality Shows, Smartphone Apps, and Romantic Comedies, It’s Easy to Forget One Thing: Relationships Are Work. Very Rarely Do We “Swipe Right”, Fall in Love, and Live Happily Ever After on Our Own. And When the Going Gets Tough, It’s Tempting to Throw in the Towel, Say “It’s Not Working Out Anyway,” and Move on Instead of Learning How to Resolve Conflict in a Relationship.


Disagreements in Relationships Happen for a Variety of Reasons, From Petty Squabbles Like Who Does the Dishes to More Serious Issues Like Infidelity. Some Common Relationship Stressors Include Loss of Attraction and Passion, Emotional Blockage and Loss of Commitment, as Well as Financial, Family Obligations, and Insecurities. Stress in Other Areas of Our Lives Also Affects Our Relationships: When You Come Home From Work Frustrated and Tired or You’re Having Conflicts With Other Friends or Family Members, That Stress is Contagious. You Must Learn to Resolve Conflict in All Areas of Your Life to Help Your Relationship.

10 Tips for Solving Relationship Conflicts

As Anyone Who Has Been in a Romantic Relationship Knows, Disagreements and Conflicts Are Inevitable. When Two People Spend a Lot of Time Together, Their Lives Are Intertwined, They Disagree From Time to Time. These Disagreements Can Be Large or Small, From What to Eat for Dinner or Failing to Complete an Assignment to Arguing Over Whether the Couple Should Proceed With One Partner’s Career or the Children’s Religious Education. Needed. A Decision About Parenting Must Be Made.

The Mere Fact That You Fight With Your Partner is Not a Sign That There is a Real Problem in Your Relationship. In Fact, When Handled Properly, Fighting Can Make Your Relationship Better. If You Never Fight and Never Talk About Your Problems, You Will Never Be Able to Solve Them. By Dealing With Conflicts Constructively, You Can Gain a Better Understanding of Your Partner and Arrive at a Solution That Works for Both of You. On the Other Hand, It is Also Possible for Conflicts to Escalate and Ill-will to Arise Without Any Resolution. How Can You Improve Your Chances of Successful Conflict Resolution in Your Relationship? Here Are 10 Research-backed Tips:


You’ve Already Read How to Save Your Relationship, So You’ve Covered the First Step: You Must Have the Desire to Save It. If That’s the Desire, Then You Must Learn How to Turn It Into Constructive Steps That Can Heal the Broken, Resolve Underlying Conflicts, and Ultimately Save Your Relationship.


Specifies the Focus Direction. If You Focus on Building a Beautiful Passionate Relationship, This is What You Will Achieve. -tony Robbins

Disagreements in Relationships Become Harmful When You Focus on Protecting Yourself From Attack Instead of Solving the Problem. By Focusing on Your Aches and Pains, You Are Ensuring That You Will Experience More of the Same, Because Where Attention Goes, Energy Flows. As Tony Says, “What We Consistently Focus on, That is What We Will Experience in Our Lives.”

Years Ago, Tony Would Take a Two-lane Highway Past Power Line Poles Every 10-20 Yards. One of Them Seemed to Be Forever Decorated With Flowers, Candles and Photographs. With So Much Space on Either Side of the Post It Was Surprising How Many People Were Killed or Injured When It Hit It. Why Didn’t the Victim Refrain From It? Why Didn’t They Go Both Ways?

This is Because People Will Focus All Their Attention on Not Hitting the Pole. But, It is Our Focus That Decides Our Direction. If We Don’t Want to Hit the Pole, We Need to Focus on What We Do Want: Being on the Road! By Changing Our Focus, We Can Change the Outcome.

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This Lesson Applies to How to Save Your Relationship. If You Focus on Why You Don’t Want Your Relationship to End, Let the Fighting and Anger End, You’ll Find Yourself Where You Don’t Want to Be—either in a Painful, Unfulfilled Relationship. Or Completely Separating From Your Partner. If You Focus on Resolving Conflict and Growing Together, You Will Get the Results You Want.


You Are Sitting in a Coffee Shop. You Have Two Pairs Sitting in the Shop. The Couple on Your Left is Debating Whether They Want to Go Out to Dinner With Friends. “It’s Never Fun—you Said That Last Time,” He Says. She Replies, “of Course You Would, Because They’re My Friends, and You Never Gave Any of My Friends a Chance.” He Rolls His Eyes, and Says in a Very Sarcastic Tone, “Let’s Go. War and Peace, Our Personal Version, Whatever.” They Sit in Silence, Turned Away From Each Other.

How to Solve the Dispute in the Relationship

The Couple on Your Right is Also Discussing Whether They Want to Go Out to Dinner With Friends. He Says, “I Guess I’m a Little Worried That It’s Going to Last for Hours and It Might Not Be That Much Fun. What Do You Think?” “I Get It,” She Says. “I Really Want to Go, but Maybe We Can Plan a Time When We Have to Make a Pact?” He Continues, Touching Her Hand and Smiling. , “Besides, It Would Be Nice to Reach Home Early.” He Smiles and Nods, and They Continue to Read and Drink Their Coffee.

Both Couples Were Presented With a Struggle—essentially the Same Struggle. But One Knew How to Resolve Conflicts in a Relationship, and the Other Didn’t. One Reacted by Relying on Bad Habits and Using the Conflict to Widen the Rift Between Them. Others Use the Conflict as an Opportunity to Communicate Their Feelings and Enhance Their Relationship. Which Couple Do You Think Has the More Successful, Fulfilling Relationship? Which Relationship Do You Think Will Last Longer? Dialogue is Necessary to Remove Disagreements in Relationships.


In the Coffee Shop Example, a Couple Learns How to Resolve Conflict in a Relationship: Don’t Treat It as a Competition. Why Would You Want to Lose Your Partner Whom You Love? When You Accept That There Are No Losers in Love, You Can Let Go of Petty Arguments and Embrace Healthy Communication.

Conflicts Are Opportunities for You and Your Partner to Align Values and Outcomes. They Are Opportunities to Understand, Appreciate and Embrace Difference. Put Yourself in Your Partner’s Shoes and Try to Understand Their Experience. These Experiences and Feelings Can Be Uncomfortable, but We Never Grow if We Always Choose Comfort.

Conflict is an Opportunity to Learn More About Your Partner and Love Them on an Even Deeper Level. Learn to See Conflicts as a Way to Change for the Better Rather Than as a Reason to Hold Back. The Next Time You Find Yourself Disagreeing With Your Partner and Wondering How to Save Your Relationship, Choose to See the Positive in the Situation – and Decide to Actively Work Toward a More Stable Future Together. .

  1. Be Direct.
    Sometimes People Don’t Come Out and Clearly Say What’s Bothering Them and Instead Choose More Indirect Ways of Expressing Their Displeasure. Sometimes, Partners Can Sulk and Pout Without Really Resolving an Issue. Partners May Avoid Discussion by Immediately Changing the Subject or Procrastinating When a Problem Arises. Such Indirect Ways of Expressing Anger Are Not Constructive, Because They Do Not Give the Target of the Behavior a Clear Idea of How to Respond. About What They Can Do to Solve the Problem.
  2. Talk About How You Feel Without Blaming Your Partner.
    Statements That Directly Attack Your Partner’s Character Can Be Especially Damaging to the Relationship. 3 if a Man Exclaims, Frustrated by His Girlfriend’s Jealousy, “You’re So Irrational!” That’s Inviting Her to Be on the Defensive, and That May Lead to a Shutdown of Further Conversation. Another Creative Strategy is to Use “I Statements” and Combine Them With “Behavior Statements.” 4i Statements Focus on How You Feel Without Blaming Your Partner, and Behavior Statements Focus on Specific Behaviors of Your Partner, Not Character Flaws. For Example, This Person Might Say, “I Get Annoyed When You Claim That I’m Flirting With Someone During an Innocent Conversation.” These Tactics Are Straightforward, but Don’t Confuse Your Partner’s Character.
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However, It Should Be Noted That These Outright Negative Strategies Can Be Constructive – Under Certain Circumstances. Research Has Shown That for Couples With Relatively Minor Problems, Blaming and Rejecting Their Partner During Conflict Discussions Was Associated With Lower Relationship Satisfaction Over Time and Made Problems Worse. For Couples With Major Problems, a Different Picture Emerged: Blaming and Disapproving Behavior Resulted in Reduced Satisfaction Immediately After Discussing the Conflict, but in the Long Run, the Problems Improved, and So Did the Quality of the Relationship. Satisfaction Also Increased.5

  1. Never (or “Always”) Say Never.
    When You Are Solving a Problem, You Should Avoid Making Generalizations About Your Partner. Statements Like “You Never Help Around the House” or “You’re Always Looking at Your Cell Phone” Can Put Your Partner on the Defensive. Instead of Discussing How Your Partner Could Be More Helpful or Attentive, This Strategy Will Lead Your Partner to Generate Counter-examples of Times When, in Fact, They Are Helpful or Attentive. Once Again, You Don’t Want to Put Your Partner on the Defensive. 3
  1. Pick Your Battles.
    If You Want to Have a Constructive Discussion, You Have to Stick to One Issue at a Time. Unhappy Couples Are More Likely to Draw on Multiple Topics in a Discussion, a Habit Noted Conflict Researcher John Gottman Has Called “Kitchen-drowning.” , This is Probably Not the Strategy You Go With When You Want to Solve Personal Problems. Imagine You Want to Think About How to Incorporate More Physical Exercise Into Your Daily Routine. You Can’t Decide Whether It’s a Good Time to Think About How to Save More Money for Retirement, Organize Your Wardrobe, and Handle an Awkward Situation at Work. You Will Try to Solve These Problems One by One. This May Seem Obvious, but in the Heat of the Moment, a Fight About a Topic Can Turn Into a Complaining Session, With Both Partners Holding Grudges. The More Complaints You Make, the Less Likely It is That Any Will Actually Be Fully Discussed and Resolved.
  2. Really Listen to Your Partner.
    It Can Be Very Frustrating to Feel That Your Partner is Not Paying Attention to You. When You Interrupt Your Partner or Assume You Know What They Are Thinking, You Are Not Giving Them a Chance to Express Themselves. Even if You Are Sure You Know Where Your Partner is Coming From or Know What They Are Going to Say, You May Still Be Wrong, and Your Partner Will Still Feel That You Are Not Listening.6

You Can Show Your Partner That You Are Paying Attention by Using Active Listening Techniques. This Can Prevent Misunderstandings Before They Start. You Can Also Perform a Guess Check by Making Sure You Are Interpreting Your Partner’s Reactions Correctly. For Example, “You Are Irritated by That Comment – Am I Right?” These Strategies Both Prevent Misunderstandings and Show Your Partner That You Are Paying Attention and Caring.

  1. Don’t Automatically Object to Your Partner’s Complaints.
    When You’re Criticized, It’s Hard Not to Get Defensive. But Defensiveness Doesn’t Solve Problems. Imagine a Couple Because the Wife Wants Her Husband to Do More Chores Around the House. When She Suggests He Do a Quick Cleaning in the Morning After He’s Ready to Go, He Says, “Yeah, That Would Help, but I Really Don’t Have Time in the Morning.” When She Suggests He Take Some Time Off on the Weekend, He Says, “Yeah, That Might Be a Way to Schedule It, but We Usually Have Plans on the Weekend, and I Don’t Have Much to Do.” Work is Done for, So It Will Not Happen. Work.” This “Yes-but” Behavior Suggests That His Thoughts and Ideas Are Not Meaningful. Another Destructive, Defensive Behavior is “Cross-complaining,” When You Respond to Your Partner’s Complaint With One of Your Own. For Example, “You Don’t Clean Enough Around the House” Can Be Answered With “You’re a Neat Freak.” It is Important That You Listen to Your Partner and Really Consider What They Are Saying
  2. Adopt a Different Perspective.
    In Addition to Listening to Your Partner, You Need to Understand Their Perspective and Try to Understand Where They Are Coming From. People Who Can Listen to Their Partner Are Less Likely to Get Angry During Conflict Discussions.
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Other Research Has Shown That Taking a More Objective Perspective Can Also Be Helpful. In One Study, Researchers Staged a Simple Marital Quality Intervention, Asking Participants to Write About a Specific Disagreement With Their Partner From the Perspective of a Neutral Third Party Who Wanted the Best for Both Members of the Couple. Were. Couples Who Engaged in a 20-minute Writing Exercise Three Times a Year Maintained Stable Levels of Marital Satisfaction Over the Course of the Year, While Couples Did Not Show a Decline in Satisfaction.9

  1. Don’t Have Hatred Towards Your Partner.
    Of All the Negative Things You Can Say and Do During a Conflict, Hate Can Be the Worst. Gottman Has Found That It is an Extreme Predictor of Divorce. This May Include Sarcasm and Name-calling. This Can Also Include Nonverbal Behavior Such as Rolling Your Eyes or Smiling. Such Behavior is Highly Aggressive, and Shows That You Hate Your Partner.

Imagine One Partner Says, “I Wish You’d Take Me Out More,” and the Other Responds, “Oh Yeah, the Most Important Thing is to Try and See the Small Meals at a Rip-off Restaurant. Pay Can Do. More for Parts. Are You More Superficial?” or One Partner Says They’re Too Tired to Clean Up, and the Other Responds, “I Bet You’re Tired After a Day of Gossip at the Water Cooler. I’ve Been Busting My Butt All Day.” ” Yeah, and You Just Get Home and Sit on the Couch, Staring at Your Smartphone Like a Teenager.” This Type of Disrespect Makes It Impossible to Engage in a Real Discussion and Will Do More for You Than Trying to Solve the Problem. More Likely to Anger Partner.

  1. Don’t Get Overwhelmed by Negativity.
    It Can Be Difficult Not to Respond to a Partner’s Bad Behavior With Worse Behavior. But Fulfilling This Wish Will Only Make the Conflict Worse. When the Couple Engage in What Gottman and His Colleagues Call “Negative Affect Interactions,” They Trade Increasingly Heated Insults and Disparaging Remarks. So How Much Negativity is Too Much? In His Research, Gottman Found That the Magic Number is a 5-to-1 Ratio: Couples Who Maintained a Ratio of Five Positive Behaviors (E.g., Good-natured Humor, Warmth, Cooperative Effort) for Every Negative Behavior Were Much Less Likely to . Divorce or Separation After Four Years 11
  2. Know When Time is Up.
    If You Find Yourself Falling Into Negative Patterns and Find That Either You or Your Partner is Not Following the Above Tips, Consider Taking a Time Out From Your Argument. A Short Break for a Few Deep Breaths Can Be Enough to Calm a Hot Temper.

Research on Conflict Shows That Both Owning and Controlling Your Anger Are Important to Managing Conflict Well. Airing Your Grievances Can Be Beneficial to Your Relationship, but Conflicts Must Be Managed Tactfully or You Risk Making Them Worse.

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